Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Can You Survive A Long Distance Relationship?

Pretty personal post today but I thought I would write it anyway, especially with summer being almost over (eep!) and some people's relationships might be about to change with university and new jobs etc.  But be warned - coupley photos coming! 

So you might be wondering if you can survive a long distance relationship, and I'm here to say if you want to you can! 

Obviously every relationship is different and I'm not here as like some queen of long distance relationships (LDR)! 

My boyfriend and I have been LDRing it for almost three years, so it is totally possible to have a long term relationship when there's distance between you.  I'm in Scotland whilst he's in Northern Ireland so it's not even like we have an easy commute, it requires a plane or a boat to hop over the Irish Sea.  We have also had stints where we have had larger distances like when I was in China last summer and it will change again when I move to France for a year next month.  

So the prospect of distance isn't the kiss of death on your relationship - don't worry if you are moving away to uni or starting a job in a new city.  

Here's my tips:

Effort
Any relationship takes work and you will have to put the work in, but even more so when you are long distance.  Because you will have to make the effort to stay in touch and see each other, as well as all the normal relationship stuff. 

Trust
You need to trust, almost a blind faith in your trust in your partner.  Otherwise you will get worried and stressed out and then that isn't a healthy place to be in personally or for your relationship.  I don't mean being naive, but you need to comfortably trust and not worried about what the other person is doing, with who, where your relationship is going etc.  Which is closely linked to....

Communication 
You're going to need to communicate openly and honestly.  Don't bother with games, don't huff and puff and try to mess around with each other, you don't see each other enough to play those games and will leave a bitter edge on your relationship when you do see each other. 

Technology 
Use it.  Skype is amazing, but so is other tech like viber (especially when you are abroad), facetime etc.

Be busy
The times when a LDR can be hardest is if one partner has a really busy time- maybe exams or a busy period at work - and the other person doesn't.  This can mean that you might not be able to speak as much as usual.  I find that the best way to deal with that is to stay busy yourself, don't sit around waiting for a phone call.  It will make you miserable and put pressure on your partner, which is the last thing you want in a stressful time! 

Schedule
Have a schedule for when you will talk and when you will see each other.  It is comforting to know when you're next going to see your other half, especially if it has been a while.  You should also try and stick to the schedule, even if it means sacrificing other things.  We try to see each other every month so sometimes that means missing out on something at uni if I'm over in Northern Ireland.

Share time together and apart 
Matty and I have a lot of shared hobbies- we both shoot, this blog and travelling.  But we also have our own hobbies which means a) we don't get lonely when we are by ourselves and b) we aren't in every tiny part of each other's lives.  Which is good and healthy!  So even when you are in a LDR you don't need to spend every waking moment together when you do see each other - I know it's tempting but time off from each other, like going to the gym or a walk is also good! 

I hope this post might have calmed some people's nerves about long distance relationships, because it's really only a big deal if you make it!  

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